Sunday, 7 June 2015

Opinion: My Big Fat Dilemma.

I toyed with the idea of writing this post. I don't write half as many opinion pieces as used to. I'd gotten to the point where I just wanted to use the blog as a space for fun. A light relief in my already busy and complicated life. But, every now and then something will happen and I simply can't keep my trap shut. 
Actually, give me a good book and go pretty quiet

Last night while doing a little blog admin, I was checking my stats (the part of my blog that tells me how many people have read my post that day, where in the world they've been reading it and where, if they've clicked through from somewhere, they've come from). I noticed I'd gotten a little traffic from Reddit. I'll be completely honest, being the dinosaur I am, I'm not really sure what Reddit is, that portion of the internet kind of passed me by. I think it's a forum type thing, I don't like forums, they're usually filled with people who are angry or geeky about something. Which is fine. It's just not my bag. 

I'd heard a few bits and bobs about this particular group/forum/thread (whatever the hell you call it), it's a group set up for the sole purpose of being incredibly cruel towards fat people. Nice huh? And I know a few of my blogger babes have been subject to its hate. 

So my curiosity getting the best of me, slightly wincingly, I clicked on the link, preparing myself for the tirade of hate projected at me. I arrived at a page called 'Fat People Hate' my first reaction was what? What do fat people hate? Exercise, washing and diets if you listen to society. 

There, at the top of the page, was a little thumbnail of me in my underwear with the question... What happened to her belly button? Below was a thread of people making hilarious comments about my fat stomach and how gross I was.  It was nothing particularly hurtful, no one had wished death on me or anything, no one even said I was ugly or such like. It was just a group of incredibly sad people musing about my belly button. My instant reaction was one of amusement. Who spends their Saturday chatting about a fat birds belly button? 

The mysterious case of the missing belly button.


Who sets up a thread on a forum for the sole purpose of dissecting a woman's body? 

Then I felt pity, that's not normal is it? 

Then, selfishly I felt scared, scared of the can of worms this might open in terms of my blog. You see in the past four years I've been quite lucky. I've rarely been subject to online abuse or the dreaded troll. All I could think was, oh great, that's it, everything has changed. 

I took to twitter to say how hilarious it was that I was subject of some fat hate chatter. I posted a witty instagram pic of my cheekbones (one of the commenters said my cheekbones were 'painted on'). But all the time, I kept thinking to myself, don't feed the trolls, you're asking for it now. 

Oh look it's me and my "painted on" cheekbones.


What if I had kept quiet? Maybe it would all go away and I'd come out the other side relatively unscathed. But then I realised that's what they want isn't it? To silence us. To make us disappear, to go away, lose ten stone and come back as obedient thin women who don't offend their eyes. Well they can fuck right off. This confident, worthy, valid fat woman is here to stay. Unapologetically parading in her smalls for all the world to see. 

You see, I made a deal with myself when I started this. I knew, by exposing myself in a public forum, I would get attention, I would get unwanted attention from people. Whether that be in the form of unwanted sexual advances, verbal abuse or bullying. It's nothing I haven't experienced in far more scary and upsetting situations in real life. So, I promised myself, no matter what, I wouldn't be silenced.

I won't be silenced.


The words of complete strangers on the internet no longer have the impact they used to. Sure, I wouldn't be human, if it didn't affect me, but it no longer hurts me in the way it did. Through my involvement in the body positivity movement I have changed, my attitude has shifted and I am able to see these people for what they are. Twisted and sad. 

I make no excuses for my fat. I don't owe them or anyone an explanation or an apology. 

Fuck you, I'm fat.



Oh and my belly button? It's there, it's just really low set and hidden under one of my big squishy rolls of fat, probably hanging out with a donut and some pork scratchings. 

God I love donuts. 





18 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this matter. I love following your blog and the courage you have to show us that it ok to wear bikinis even though we are fat is very inspiring.
    Please keep up - also with such personal posts.
    Best regards
    Pia,
    Denmark.

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  2. I love this - You have such a great sense of humour and style of writing!

    You should feel flattered that people dedicate their Saturday night worrying about your belly button!

    Not my idea of a good Saturday night but each to their own! Love the Blog!

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  3. I love you and your belly button x

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  4. It is really sad that people have to go around slaying people they have never met behind a computer screen to make themselves feel better. The worst thing about things like reddit is they probably think we will never see it which just makes it even sadder.

    I got loads of moans on my Tess Munster video and like a zillion dislikes. I have only had a handful of hateful comments and sometimes I am with the dont feed the trolls but you are so right they want us to put up and shut up and I am so happy that you haven't been silenced. You look amazing in the picture they attempted to judge you on so fuck them x

    Miss Kitty Kaos (Adventures Of A Riot Grrrl)

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  5. I too love your blog, and think you are very brave to take bathing suit and bikini pictures....I knew someone who didn't have a belly button, due to childhood surgery...so it is possible!

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  6. Omg! You go girl! I personally look forward to your posts, you inspire me to be more experimental with my clothes and towards my life as a whole. I thank you for that and the haters can all go pick some fluff out of there probably hidden belly button too! Much love to you! x

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  7. Love your posts and think you look fabulous! On another note, can I ask what you use to curl your hair - it always looks amazing!

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  8. Love your face woman. And yer belly button. ;) xx

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  9. Your belly button, pork scratchings and donut must be hanging out with my nipples that I also can't see when standing, unless I directly go out in search of them. I hope they're have fun.

    I don't understand where people get the time from to deliberately be mean. I just don't have the time or the inclination to dissect anyone's body for any reason because I'm too busy LIVING MY LIFE. I rarely get any comments from trolls but I did get a message last night on Twitter, from someone commenting that you could fit the whole world around my waist. I was a lil confused as the comment was so random and unrelated to anything. I was going to reply but just blocked the person as I don't have the time to engage in nonsense- BUT it has inspired me to make an atlas print dress so that I can quite literally- have the whole world around my waist. So cheers Twitter troll- you are helping me become more stylish than ever. Thanks!

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  10. Absolutely love this! You are an inspiration xx

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  11. You really have to wonder who these people are who think that it's fun. I have a facebook friend who regularly posts photos of frighteningly overweight people for fun and ridicule who are unfortunately clothed (meaning "people of Walmart" type thing) and I often point out that I too am quite fat, and that maybe such posts aren't always wise (especially because he's an artist who wants to sell his work).

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  12. Great post its a shame that people dont have anything to do but ait there and insult people! Im glad u calles them out...most of the time bullies are just cowards . Glad u stood up to them!

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  13. I love your blog Mrs Bebe and have challenged myself after some of your posts so many many thanks from me for your sharing. Re trolls and reddit I love your perspective xx Fiona

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  14. Your blog is amazing as are you. The people that sit and write such trash as that reddit thing are just dumb idiots that have no life but that of a sad existence that they use to pick on others that work hard to do something with their lives. Keep doing what you are doing x

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  15. You are amazing, I hope I have your confidence one day soon!

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  16. There are so many other things they could have commented on/noticed in that picture- your amazingly beautiful eyes, your cool haircut, your attractive figure. Who looks at a picture like that and notices whether or not a belly button is visible? I do like your attitude and perspective on this.

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  17. PS http://www.theverge.com/2015/6/10/8761763/reddit-harassment-ban-fat-people-hate-subreddit

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Thank you for your comment, I love reading what everyone has to say! B x