Saturday, 27 October 2012

Where you at?

Since becoming involved in blogging and the "fatosphere" if you will, I've come to observe a huge, far reaching and vast community of different people, different sizes, shapes, attitudes and opinions, which, is fantastic. I love that everyone has a different story to tell and that we are all at different stages of our "journey" (ick I hate that word, but couldn't think of a better one)

Long time blog readers will know that my "journey" has been a long and complicated one, having been on a diet of some sort from the age of 9 and then at the still tender age of 26 deciding to have, under the recommendation of my doctor, a gastric bypass, I lost 7 stone, I went from a size 32 to a size 22, and am the woman you see today, prancing around in clothes for your bloggy pleasure.

My operation was a long time ago, 5 years to be precise, long before I discovered blogging and fat acceptance and long before I really had a sense of who I am, and maybe, if I was still a size 32 and I was offered the surgery I had back then, my answer and actions might be very different, but hindsight is a wonderful thing right?

I'm still a fat woman and a very proud one at that, I'm incredibly honoured to have met such wonderful women because of my involvement in the fatosphere, I'm incredibly proud to have organised Plus North and how far my little blog has come, and I'm still like an absolute child when I get invited to posh do's, because if you'd have told me 5 years ago I'd be hob knobbing with fashion types, and wearing beautiful clothes I'd have laughed in your face.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, we're all at different stages of acceptance, some of us still diet, some of us happily never want to see another set of scales in our lives, some of us have been to hell and back in pursuit of something we thought was "normal" and "beautiful" and some of us haven't even formed an opinion as to how we feel about our bodies, and some of us don't give a shit and just want to wear pretty clothes. All of the above is ok, we can't force people to be what we want them to be, much in the same way some people feel forced to become thin, we don't know everyone's story, we don't know what they've been through and what they are dealing with. So, before you pass judgement on someone's worthiness to be in this arena, take a second to think about them, and understand that you don't know everything about them.

29 comments:

  1. YES YES YES! I find it hard sometimes to believe that women are so hateful towards their bodies, when theyre so beautiful, but then I remember that not everyone is lucky enough to have the self love and acceptance that I have, and not every women has had the support I have had either!
    I was never really told that my body was not desirable, I have never been, nor will i ever be, on a diet. I was taught that you have to respect and love yourself first before you expect others to do the same for you. My parents raised me to believe that everyone is beautiful in their own right, and no one deserves to be judged.
    I implore all the wonderful, PROUD, fat ladies who stand up for themselves, and hope that the others not yet proud enough to do so, soon feel that self love they deserve!

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    1. You are so fortunate to have had such an upbringing, and I think if you are body proud you can lose sight of the fact that others aren't and get frustrated with their attitudes, I've been so guilty of this, getting annoyed at people on diets, but I guess they are at different stages, and I hope that one day they can find their happy body place, wherever that might be. Thanks so much for your comment lady, keep fighting the good fight ;) lol x x

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  2. I really do wish that people who judge fat women (and men) could just open their eyes and accept everyone for who they are. I've personally always judged people by their personality and not their size, brought up to believe nobody is more or less important than the people around them. I grew up very shy and self conscious, always hating my body. I wasn't even a fat child/young teen, but thought I was, and it's taken a very long time for me to begin accepting myself. It's only been over the last few years that I started dressing how I wanted, and thinking 'fuck it'. And if I hadn't of found fatshion/body positivity blogs a year ago, I don't think I would feel as comfortable with myself as I do today at age 27. So basically, thanks for being such an inspiration! Blogs like yours really do help and inspire others along their own journey to self-acceptance xx

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    1. Thanks so much Louise, I love that blogs have given you confidence as they have me! X x

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  3. I love this post. I'm in a difficult and conflicting place. I'm trying to get myself in a societal acceptable weight range, I have around another 90 lbs to go, I was offered a GBP as well but declined it, I think at my top weight I was around a size 26. I have had a lot of problems with food over the years from over restricting to over eating, I'm still battling that really but this is the only time I've lost weight consistently. The key to that is that I learnt to accept myself at any weight. The trouble is - for me - I can't do the things that I want to at the size I am and that's why I'm changing it. I don't hate my body despite wanting it to change. I wrote about this too and not to spam up the comments section, you can remove the link if you like but you might be interested in this http://weightwars.co.uk/2012/07/body-loving-weight-loss/

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    1. Not at all, I welcome all points of view and people he, thanks for the link, I'll go and have a read now! I can totally relate to how it makes life easier being smaller. I just wish society would change, and then we wouldn't have to, or feel pressure to. It's such a complex issue, it's really hard x

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  4. Becky, I bloody love this post. As you know I'm fighting with accepting my body and size. I am the biggest I have ever been and I am on and off diets like nobodies business. But like most of us with mental health issues, I use food as a crutch and 'eat my feelings' I'm favouriting this as a pick me up when I'm feeling poo xxxx

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  5. I loved reading this post! I too was advised weightloss surgery by my doctors and a the last moment backed out of it, I am still trying to lose some weight just to tone what I have got but I am happy with my body and have the confidence to blog about it. I always say my body is like your favourite meal with just too much on the plate! haha

    www.mytwenty1.com

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    1. I'm so glad you've found body confidence and trust me, on the whole you had a lucky escape, weight loss surgery is not a nice experience! X

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  7. I'm guilty of probably being forceful on the no diet talk, but I think that people who are well known in the fatosphere do have at least some responsibility to recognise that diet and weight loss talk can be triggering to a lot of people on the body acceptance journey. I know these bloggers don't ask for the pedestal they are put on, but a lot of people look up to them as the end goal of peace with their bodies and accepting that what you say can affect your followers massively is really important. Everyone has off days, I definitely know that! But I can't help but feel a little disappointed when someone who previously was involved in the fatosphere starts with the diet talk "for their own health." I respect everyone's right to body autonomy though and for my own sake I will just un follow without comment.

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    1. Actually you're so right Mel, it is really tough when someone does a u-turn, it almost feels like they are deserting the cause so-to-speak. Much the same as you, if I'm finding someone's weightloss etc triggering, I'll just unfollow, because I guess ultimately its still their choice, we just don't have to support it... I think that's what I'm trying to say? Thank you so much for your point of view it's something I didn't cover x x

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    2. Exactly, the only way for me to continue on my own personal journey is to completely remove the thought of dieting and weight loss out of my circle. I know it can seem rude to some that I'm so anti-diet but I just cannot deal with any mention of it at this point in time and probably for a long while because of my own experiences. Even hearing of other peoples weight-loss has the potential to send me back into the downwards spiral that I've fought so hard to get myself out of. I do not support dieting of any kind, but I'm cruel to protect myself really!

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    3. Completely understandable and justifiable, I wish I could be better at self protection too, to be honest. I too feel very vulnerable when others talk about diets etc, after everything I've been through, I just don't want to hear about it any more, but it seems to be there in every aspect of life :(

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  8. despite going from a 22 to about a 14 I dont think I'll ever have complete acceptance, even if I get to my absolute dream of a 10/12. I really envy girls who are completely happy in their skin, regardless of their size I think that's the most beautiful quality a lady can have. xoxo

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    1. That's so true, I hope you find your happy body, but know that you are absolutely beautiful x x

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  9. Being man who could lose a few pounds it is hard. I have never accepted myself and when I start to do someone is there to knock me down. I work with someone who is always going through my lunch bag and telling me what is good and bad. I have told this person that people have been doing this all of my life and that it gives me a complex. And since he has been to rehab a couple of times for his drinking he has no right to tell me what to do.

    It is sad that we live in such a society in which we judge the look of a man(or woman) and not their character.

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    1. Hi Patrick, I totally understand where you're coming from, as a fat person you are constantly under scrutiny from all types of people, and even more frustrating when it's someone who has their own issues, who should be better placed to understand what it's like to go through thought times.

      I hope that one day we won't live in a time when everyone is judged for their physical appearance and people are left to live their own lives however they wish too.

      P.S I hope yourself and anyone else doesn't take offence by the word fat, I use it as a positive term, as a factual reference to size, not as an insult. We need to reclaim the word.

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  10. What an amazing post and equally as emotive comments on a topic which really hit a chord with me personally.

    I am always so jealous (although not in a nasty negative way!) of anyone that I meet who exudes self confidence and is genuinely happy in their own skin! I don't think I have ever felt that way or if indeed I ever will - but blogs like this inspire me to keep trying :)

    Thanks for reminding me that I should cut myself some slack and accept that I can still be attractive and of value even if I'm not a size 10! Xx

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    1. I think we all need a reminder sometimes Natasha, it's tough living in a world that tells us were unattractive all the time, when were quite clearly not! :) x x

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  11. I'm envious of the positivity and absoloute assured feeling of happiness in your body from the comments in this blog.
    I love who I am, but every now and again I do find myself looking in the mirror, sucking the stomach in and wondering if I'd be more 'beautiful' a couple of stone lighter.
    I heard a quote once that I try to live my body concious by - 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'.
    Realising that the punch starts with me means I can control the blow - I'll be damned if some ignorant tosser will make me feel like I have to lose weight to suit them.

    Love this post.


    www.callmekim.org

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    1. What a great quote Kim, I love it. I need to remember this when others try and bring me down! Thanks so much for your comment x x

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    2. FYI - I'm pretty sure that it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said that :) I am a mine of useless pub quiz information !!

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  12. I'm only just discovering 'fatshion' and body positivity blogs now. I've been fat for about 12 years now, after been very thin & quite ill as a teen. I am totally up and down with how I feel about my body - some days I'm all 'hell yeah, I'm sexy and my boobs are fab', other days I'm all 'I'm so fat, my arse is enormous and people are looking at me'.

    I'm trying really hard to be positive and blogs like your are making me feel better. I've been told for so long (mainly from my dad, who isn't a bad person generally, he is naturally very thin and doesn't understand anyone who doesn't have a fast metabolism) that I'm fat and fat is bad that I struggle to think anything else. My husband loves who I am and what I look like. He met & married me at a size 18 and although I'm currently a size 20/22 he tells me I've never been more beautiful.

    I want to believe him. I want to be happy when I look in the mirror. I want to not worry when I'm walking down the street that people are looking at me because I'm so fat. I want to believe my friends when they say it's in my head and no one judges me because of my size. I want to feel pretty. I want to not wear cardigans to hide my arse! I want to not be dieting (or trying to) every day.

    I also want to make a bit of sense sometimes but that rarely happens! I think you know where I'm coming from. I'm not very far into the journey of loving myself and my body but I'm working on it!

    I love this post & all the comments. It makes me feel like I'm not alone.

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    1. I feel this struggle too, my husband is very much the same and sometimes I find it hard to believe him if I'm having a bad day, but since finding the blog world I thankfully have more days than not when I do believe him! X x

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  13. Hi there Mrs. BeBe.

    Firstly, thank you so much for your blog. Like other posters, I am new to the fatosphere and I've only really just stepped onto the path of body acceptance and self love and your blog has been one of the inspirations.

    I have always been overweight, from as early as I can remember I have had a negative body image, at 15 I actually considered a DIY tummy tuck!

    I've been 'slimming' for nearly 2 years and have lost 4 stone. Now, I will hasten to add that I didn't really *want* to loose weight, but was told that if I didn't get my BMI to 'an acceptable' level, I would not be able to have children. This was from a gynachologist who told me that I was 'too fat' for the IVF treatment that hubby and I would need should we wish to conceive. We both had fertility issues which were totally unrelated to weight!

    When we decided not to have IVF (finance and associated health risks etc) we looked into adoption, again to find that I was considered 'too fat'. Hence the weight loss. After bringing my BMI down, (and having to show my weight loss progress at every meeting) we were matched and placed with our two beautiful children and our adoption of them will all be legal and final at the end December. So for me, my want to be a mother meant that I just got on with it. It was a simple equation: Loose weight = being a mom. Not loosing weight = not being a mom.

    For me, now, positive body image is absolutely essential. My daughter and son are going to be bought up to know that their bodies are perfect whatever shape they are and that they are beautiful inside and out, no matter what.
    Love & Light
    X

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    1. You are completely right, I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles, I too as a teenager went to very extreme lengths to achieve what I thought was "beautiful" and I have friends who have gone through the same as you in the quest to have children, it's completely heartbreaking and I am so angry when I hear that doctors and social services think it ok to decide that weight should dictate your ability to be a parent, it completely enrages me. As a mum myself I strive to teach my danger that everyone is the same and physical appearance does not make a person more or less worthy in this world. I hope it stays with her x x x thank you for your comment x x

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  14. I love this post. I started blogging to help my self find the acceptance of my body and my self that I so deeply desire. It has helped me through some really low points but I still have a long long way to go. I still look in the mirror some days and think 'god you really should sort yourself out'. But no matter how much I diet I never lose weight and keep it off and end up more miserable than when I started. I went trhough all the bullying at school and still hear the odd jibes now as an adult. But Ive always been this way and dont know how to be any different. I guess what Im saying is I aspire to be like all you ladies who love their bodies as they are and maybe one day Ill be able to stand up and go 'fuck you, this is me and I love who I am!' xx

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  15. What a lovely post. I had no idea you had a gastric bypass, and until my mother in law had her one, I assumed that if you had one, you'd end up really skinny and that would be that! I have no problem with fat people and pass no judgement, in fact I find bigger women more attractive than skinny women, but I myself hate being fat, hate the way I look and am at war everyday with the mirror. My husband is morbidly obese and it drives me mad to hear all the negative comments and assumptions about why he is that size, if people could really spend a day in his shoes, and could see what he actually eats and the ammount of excercise he does, then perhaps they'd understand why fat and obesity are not simply lifestyle choices for everybody!

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Thank you for your comment, I love reading what everyone has to say! B x