A few thoughts....


Now you all now this is normally a place for fashion, fun, silliness and general japes. But every now and then I hand over my blog to someone or to a subject I feel is important and needs a bit of a spotlight. First of all a quick *trigger warning* I am going to talk about Mental Health and Suicide, so if this is not your thing, or you don't feel strong enough to read about it at the moment thats ok.

Today is Suicide Awareness Day, and this years theme is "Hope". As some of you may know I have suffered from mental illness since my early teens, I was diagnosed with Bi-polar in my 20's and to this day, I struggle each and every day with my mental health, whether that be in some small way or be it a bad day when I lose all grip on everything and wish I wasn't here.

I think, that, though is the crux of the matter. Suicide, in my experience... And everybodies experience is different, isn't about wanting to be dead as such, it's about escape. It's about feeling so incredibly low, ill, desperate, lonely, hopeless, trapped that you just want relief, you want to be somewhere else, somewhere where it doesn't hurt anymore, where you feel you're not a burden anymore, where you're not you anymore, and for someone in a distressed state, death can seem like the only real option.

The thing is though, is that you're not a burden, you're not alone, things probably aren't as bad as you think they are and there is a whole world of help out there for you. But, at that very moment in time, those feelings you're having are real, they mean everything to you and they are all you can think of... I know... I know this because I have attempted to take my own life and for that moment when I was swallowing way too many tablets I thought it was the best option all round, and yes I also thought I'd "show them" I wanted people to know how much pain I was in and it felt like the only way I could express that.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that, in keeping with this years theme is that there is hope. I'm still here, I'm still fighting, very single day, and even in my darkest, darkest days, I guess there must be some little glimmer of hope that keeps me going and keeps me here. I know the gut wrenching, heart aching, hand round the throat pain of depression, it sucks more than anything ever did, but if it's any consolation at all, you are not alone, there are people to help and you are loved, needed, worthy and valid.

Now for the technical but oh so important stuff. If you don't feel comfortable enough to speak to a friend or family member, if you need someone impartial, or you just don't have someone close by why not give one of these guys a go, they're really good and know their stuff...

MIND www.mind.org.uk 0300 123 3393

Samaritans www.samaritans.org 08457 90 90 90

SANELine 0845 767 8000 www.sane.org.uk

Preventing young suicide www.papyrus-uk.org

For people in Northern Ireland www.lifeline.info 0808 808 8000

Childline www.childline.org.uk 0800 1111

Depressionalliance www.depressionalliance.org

NHS Direct www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk 0845 4647

No Panic 0808 808 0545 www.no-panic.co.uk

Let's talk about this, let's talk about so loudly that people begin to understand, let's talk about right in their faces. Do not be ashamed of your illness, because that's what it is, you can't just buck up, snap out of it, or get over it.

We can't stop suicide, it will always happen, because people will always feel that desperate, but maybe by talking about mental health, some people might realise there might be some other options for them.

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  1. These issues are serious and i hate how people who dont suffer with it think it is just like a "bad day"
    Thank you for sharing and hopefully this will help even just one person x

  2. A very thought provoking post beauts and I can relate to so much of what you've said. As someone who is suffering from depression,this actually brought a tears to my eye. Thank you for such a wonderful post. Every day is a struggle but we are still here fighting xxx

  3. I randomly found your blog, I was looking for tweets talking about Suicide Awareness Day. Thank you for this post and for sharing.. my best friend who suffered from a mental illness committed suicide in 2008. It does need to be discussed loudly, people need to understand what causes suicide. Thank you for not being ashamed to discuss this issue. Your post gave me hope that I can fight back against suicide.

    Brittany Michelle

  4. Thank you for writing this, I'm going to bookmark it and save it to read on a bad day. It's so easy to forget the facts when you're consumed with desperation and it feels like there really is no other choice.
    I still have moments where I am ashamed to talk about my MH but you've inspired me today to be proud of who I am and how hard I fight every day.
    You're a good bean and you should be proud of yourself too.
    Lots of love xxx

  5. Thanks for this post - it is really inspiring to see that despite your suffering you have managed to fight back and carry on.

    Having suffered with depression and anxiety myself I know that feeling of helplessness myself!

    Thanks for sharing your story and hopefully it will help someone out there who is feeling lonely and helpless!

    :) xxx.

  6. This is a great post. I suffer from depression and ocd for a few years now and even though I am mostly in a good place right now there are days that are tough.

  7. Thank you for posting this. I think folks who haven't been there have a hard time understanding, but awareness days, including open discussions with folks who have been there, can only help.

  8. This post is so inspiring! Thank you for opening up about your experiences with it. We need to break the taboo associated with talking about depression. It's nothing to be ashamed of at all.

    I've suffered with depression for well over a decade now. I know how hopeless and alone one can feel. I first realised what I was feeling at 17, but I think it goes back as early as age 10. I've had bad days and good days, and bad years and better years. I just take each day as it comes and I'm happy to say even with a back injury mentally this has probably been the best year I've felt since my childhood. When ever I'm feeling really low I like to look back on this interview Mikey Graham gave about his own struggles with depression http://www.independent.ie/national-news/that-day-i-cried-and-cried-like-never-before-and-i-couldnt-stop-1713466.html and it really inspires me. Opening up and seeking help can make things better, and people should never be ashamed for asking for help or confiding in a close friend for support xx

  9. Thank you for this post. I love your blog, and it's so refreshing to hear that somebody has the same sort of issues regarding to depression, despair and suicide as myself x

  10. Dear B, this words are so true. Thanks a much for the post, I´ll do sigh it because its true. Bad days comes and good days also, but its like a battle to overlap the bad days. This black painted days without any light. Thank god, that we have the intensity to fight against this.

    Sunny greetings, Prisha

  11. Thank you all for your comments, it's always difficult to know how a post like this will be received when you write a fashion focused blog, so I am truly overwhelmed by your support. Much much love <3 x x


Thank you for your comment, I love reading what everyone has to say! B x

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